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Friday Funnies: Being a Writer




Hello my happy people,


I hope you are all happy and healthy and are looking forward to a wonderful weekend. We are still trying to get everything set for our trip to Bolton in the United Kingdom in a few weeks. I am really hoping to win this award for a few reasons but the most important one is I believe it will give me a boost to help reach more people like me with health challenges. i want to expand my reach as an advocate for those who strive everyday to build and rebuild their lives after brain injuries. It is very important to me and I think this award would help me reach more people and touch more lives.


We have been furiously trying to get ready for this trip. I tried on my old brown evening gown and my husband finally admitted to me that he hates my favorite dress. I was shocked. He really wanted to see me in something more vibrant, so we went dress shopping. We didn't find anything in town. We took a chance and ordered online. We got lucky.


Now, I have a new red dress with silver accents that I love, but it is a tiny bit tight on the chest ... so more yoga and no cookies or Pringles between now and the trip. The dress fits, but just. It would be nice to have a tiny bit more breathing room, but at least I'm not in danger of splitting seams. It's not that tight. Thankfully it is very comfortable and P.R. loves it on me. I tried it on again today with all the undergarments and the shoes I plan to wear on awards night. It is a good thing I did too.


The jewels on my shoes kept getting caught in the dress. So I need different shoes. I went online again to look for silver shoes and it was tough to find something I liked, that was available in my size, and would also be delivered in time. I did find one pair on Amazon.de that will work. They are not as cute as I hope to find, but I ordered them anyway just to be sure to have something to wear for the awards ceremony. P.R. and I are going out to the mall tomorrow for another reason and will look for cuter shoes there as well, but at least I will have something that will work.


I had to write a one minute acceptance speech on the chance that I hit my 1 in 6 chances of winning. I cried the first time I read it out loud. That is so not like me to get emotional when public speaking. I just hope I can get through it on the night if needed. I have been known to lose the ability to speak at all when I get too happy. Dang neurological conditions pop up in weird ways sometimes. Fingers crossed nothing pops up on awards night. At least P.R. will be there to back me up if I do lose the ability to speak.


I have been working on the outline for The Touch. This is such a new process for me. I have never used an outline for anything I have ever written. In college, I faked my outlines when I had to turn them in for the grade. Turns out, it is very easy to write an outline for something you have already written.


I thought having an outline for this thriller would help me keep the case facts straight so I don't drop the ball on the "evidence" as I present it in the story. I had a few plot holes I got lucky and caught when writing the Into the West Books. I accidently changed the Ruth's daughter's name a few times but caught it before it went to print, among other things. I do not want to have issues like that with the new thriller.


This next Wednesday on the Book Banter podcast, I think we will have a sneak peek from Into the West: Family Ties and I hope to have an author interview announcement coming soon.


But now ... it's time for the jokes!


Have a great weekend people!

Dianne


Q: Since you became a full-time freelancer, have you sold anything?

A: Tons ... my car, my house, my clothes…


Q: What type of blood does a proofreader have?

A: Type O.


Q: I heard you just self- published your first book. What are you going to buy with the money? A: I don’t know, a candy bar


Q: What do you get when you give a writer a deadline?

A: A really clean house.


Q: Why are writers always cold?

A: They’re surrounded by drafts.


Q: How many self-published authors does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Take a hike! I’m not changing a thing!


Q: What’s the difference between a self-published author and a large cheese pizza?

A: A pizza can feed a family of three.


Q: What do you call a self-published author with health insurance?

A: Married.


Q: What do you get when you cross an editor and a parrot?

A: A bird that wants 8 cents a word.


Q: Is it true that writers are very tolerant people?

A: Yes, my tolerance for rejection has increased significantly since I started writing.


Q: What does editing and parenting a toddler have in common?

A: Reading the same damn book over and over and over.


and last but not least ...


Q: What is often random, disgusting, and could put you on an FBI watch list?

A: A writer’s browser history.



Ricky Gervais Tells A Story About How He Learned To Write

Fast Company

(Sorry about the F-bomb in the beginning but the rest is great!)




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