Hello, Posse!
Sorry things are a little later than usual today. I started working on the blog on time, but then I got distracted fixing some things on the website and I ran into our "date night" time and had to take a break. Every Friday P.R. and I order take out and spend the evening talking, watching TV together, or playing video games. It's great when two geeks marry.
The good news is, I think I finally got the free chapter set up fixed so when you sign up for my email list you will actually get the free first chapter of my award-winning Into the West: The Orphan Train. While I was working on that, I found I had not updated the other automated messages on my site since I first built the thing back when I only had the first two books published. I fixed that too. So, on with the blog!
I hope you are having better weather wherever you are than we are getting here. It has been so cold and rainy, I have just completely gone back to my winter wardrobe. I almost turned on my heated mattress pad this morning because it was so chilly when I woke up. Where my mom lives, back in Kansas, they have had at least one day where her city was the hottest place in the US. Mother Nature is obviously going through menopause.
I told P.R. today this cold weather here is probably our fault. We had suffered through so many sweltering summers without air conditioning here, surviving with just fans in every room and opening all the windows. This year we finally broke down and bought a portable air cooler with a water tank that uses ice packs to chill the air. It actually works pretty good. It was horribly hot when we ordered it. We got good use out of it for about two weeks, then the weather turned and it's been sitting in the corner ever since. Dang that Murphy and his law!
This morning I woke up with a sinus headache and it made me think about my doctor so today we get doctor jokes! When I was going through all of my brain surgeries I was always cracking jokes and teasing my doctor (the brat still owes me a lemon lollipop! And NO I will never let that go!). For my first surgery, I wore a T-shirt I had made (it was handy that I was a graphic design artist back then and designed shirts for work) that read "FREE Bad Haircuts with each craniotomy!" Under that in small letters it had my doctors name listed as the hairstylist to the hairless. I had another shirt I had made to wear leaving the hospital. It had a picture of a crazy cat and it read, "I had brain surgery, what's your excuse?" I still have the first shirt, I have no idea what happened to the second.
When I was being wheeled into the surgery suite, they always stop and asked, Do you know what you are going into surgery for? Do you understand why? I always gave a smart aleck answer: Yes, my doctor needs a new summer home. Yes, my doctor wants a boat for his summer home. Yes, my doctor needs a new dock for his boat at his summer home. You get the idea.
When I went in for my last surgery I was too tired and weak to make jokes. The doctor said that was the only time he ever worried about me. Humor can get people through some of the toughest times in their lives. That is one reason why I do these Friday Funnies. If someone is having a bad day and finds one of these blogs, I'd like to think my stupid "Dad" jokes will make their day just a little bit better.
Have a great weekend, Posse and don't forget, if you need some more quality entertainment, I also write books! Check out all the books in my Into the West Saga Serial here (<--- click me!). This is a clean, historical fiction, cliffhanger, novella serial based on the concept of the old movie shorts they used to show in theaters before the main feature. They are designed to be quick entertaining reads for busy people.
There is some violence in the books, but nothing too graphic. The focus of the storyline is on families and how people connect. You can check out the reviews on Amazon.com. I do not have many, but they are all good. The only complaint I have had is that my first book was "too short and cliffhanger". I thought it was an odd complaint, that a cliffhanger serial ended in a cliffhanger, but what are you gonna do? Honestly, I took that review as a complement, they obviously wanted more story and were dying to know what happened next.
But why read to my comments when you can read the books for yourself. You can get started with the first ebook for just 99¢. If you aren't sure you want to commit, you can always sign up for my mailing list and get the first chapter of book one for free, and I just fixed that automation so I know you will get it now.
But enough yammerin' time for JOKES!
Enjoy,
Stephen
Nurse: Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 who says he's invisible.
Doctor: Well, tell him I can't see him right now.
Doctor: Ma'am, I'm afraid with your condition you can no longer touch anything alcoholic.
Patient: So I guess I'll be needing a divorce.
Eye Doctor: Have you hear of Conjunctivitis.com?
Patient: Yes, that's a site for sore eyes.
Doctor: Nurse, I need you to walk quietly when you go past the pill cupboard.
Nurse: Why, doctor?
Doctor: I don't want you to wake the sleeping pills.
Patient: Doctor, my hair keeps falling out. Do you have anything to keep it in? Doctor: What about a cardboard box?
Patient: Does an apple a day really keep the doctor away? Nurse: It does if you have good aim.
A man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a zucchini in his left ear, and a carrot in his right. Before the patient can say anything the doctor speaks up. Doctor: Well, it's obvious what your problem is, you’re not eating properly!
Patient: Doctor, you brought me back from the brink of death, however will I be able to thank you enough? Doctor: I accept cash, check, or credit card.
Husband: I told my doctor I think I broke my arm in two places. Wife: What did she say?
Husband: She told me to stop going to those places.
Doctor: I'm afraid you are very ill and there's nothing I can do. Is there anyone you would like me to contact for you?
Patient: Yes, another doctor.
Doctor: What seems to be the problem today? Patient: Whenever I get up, I feel dizzy for an hour. Doctor: Have you tried getting up an hour later?
And last but not least, an oldie but a goodie!
An old lady goes to the doctor. She mentions that she always seems to have horrible gas, but luckily when she passes gas, they are always silent and have no smell. In fact, during the exams she passed gas a few times. Doctor: I am going to give you a prescription, then I want you to come back in a week for a follow up. One week later, the old lady comes back. Old lady: Doctor, I don’t know what you gave me, but now when I pass gas the smell horrible! Doctor: That's great! Now that we fixed your sinuses, we can work on your hearing.